Do you ever find yourself struggling – not knowing who you are, not confident in yourself, or feeling like you need to be something else in order to please others? Even as a Christian?

All of these issues have to do with our identity, or what you believe about yourself. And the things we tend to find our identity in are the things that we define as “successful”.

For women, “success” oftentimes looks like beautiful, skinny, wanted by men, and somehow has it all together. For men, “success” can often be defined as rich, successful in their career, strong, and potentially tall, dark, and handsome. So because these are the things we tend to define as “success”, more times than not our lives are spent chasing these things and measuring our value based on how we match up to them.

But did you know that this is not the way that God defines success? The world’s value system is not the same as God’s, so in order for us to be free from what the world wants us to be, we have to understand how God measures. Because here is what the Bible says,

“… do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” – Romans 12:2 NASB

So rather than us seeing what is valuable to the world and trying to conform our identities to that standard, we are to be TRANSFORMED by seeing ourselves as God sees us. It’s easy to conform. It’s easy to go downstream with everyone else and just fit in, but God invites us to instead go upstream, go against the culture and the ways of the world, and allow Him to transform us. And how do we do this? By renewing our mind.

So here are the steps that YOU can take to overcome and find out who you are in HIM.

Step 1: Identity the False Identities

So if you don’t know me, Mel, I used to be a model. So the things I used to find my identity in were things like my hair color, the number on the scale, the number of social media followers, being wanted by famous men, things like that. If you want to listen to my full testimony, you can find that here. But when I came to know Jesus, I realized that all those things I thought were “who I was” were false. They were temporary, fleeting props that I used to make myself feel better about myself.

So for you, what are the things you tend to find your identity in? What are the things you are constantly running after, hoping to find success in for others to see and think you are valuable? I encourage you, grab a sheet of paper and write them down. Commit to surrender them to the Lord as you begin this process of being transformed.

One of my favorite verses that helped me through this process was

“For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” – Matthew 16:25

It is only as we surrender our will for His that we find life. It is only as we give up the things we hold onto so tightly, that He can give us something so much greater in Him. So surrender those areas today trusting that you will find who you truly are in Him.

Step 2: Find the Fear / Expose the Lie

Many times, the things we tend to run to for acceptance actually has to do with the things we fear most. Take my example, I wanted to be a model and worked so hard to be accepted in that because deep down one of my greatest fears was not being pretty enough to be accepted and loved.

So write down your greatest fears about yourself. Is it fear of failing? Fear of being alone? Fear of not being good enough? Take a look at the things you find your identity in and any fears may be a reason for it.

Now we have to understand this: every fear that you experience is tied to a lie that you believe – either a lie about God or a lie about yourself. But since this is all about identity, we are going to focus on the lies you believe about yourself.

So with my example, the fear was not being pretty enough to be accepted. The lie then is that “Melissa, you’re just not pretty enough to be loved for who you are.” Therefore all of my actions are made from the place of fear, trying to change myself hoping I can finally find that acceptance if I become more beautiful.

So for each of your fears on that list, find the lie that drives that fear. Because believe it or not, there is a real enemy, and the Bible calls him “the father of lies”. If Satan can get you to believe lies about yourself and God, then he is able to control you the rest of your life with fear. But, if we expose the lie, THAT is when we are on the road to find FREEDOM. Which brings us to our next point.

Step 3: Fight the Lies with TRUTH

Once you’ve discovered the lies, now you are able to call them what they are… LIES! So renounce each one of those lies, break agreement with it, and ask God to replace it with the TRUTH.

So with each lie, find 4 or 5 Bible verses that are the exact opposite. Because God’s Word is Truth, and so whatever He says about you, you can believe about yourself.

To give you an example, here were a few Scriptures I found that replaced the lie that “I’m not pretty enough”:

“You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.” – SOS 4:7

“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” – Ps 139:14

“For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” – 1 Samuel 16:7

So for your lies, go ahead and find God’s Truth. And if you don’t know them, like I didn’t, you can literally go to Google and look up “Scriptures for …” and search whatever area you are struggling with. Which leads me to the last step…

Step 4: Renew your Mind in God

So now that you have the truth, you can truly begin to renew your mind. Whenever you are struggling with those fears or lies, go into the place of prayer and begin declaring the truth over yourself. Put your name in the verse. Allow God to speak it over you. And you may not believe it right away, but just declare it in faith and eventually your mind will be transformed.

Because renewing your mind doesn’t happen overnight. You’ve believed those lies about yourself for many years, so it will take a little time. But just know that if you do it consistently, soon you will easily be able to recognize the enemy’s voice creeping in, and will be able to “take up the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God” and fight.

You CAN be free. You CAN be confident and know who you are in Christ. You CAN overcome the lies and walk in your destiny in Christ. And it is God’s delight to walk you through it.

Additional Resources on your Journey

To help you, we actually made a template that takes you through each one of these steps. There is place where you can write in your fears, the lies, and the Bible verses of truth. You can simply download that here or find the sign up form below.

And we actually made an entire video on YouTube about this topic called “How to Find Your Identity in Christ”. It will help explain how to use the template, and you can hear how we walked though this so hopefully it gives you courage in your own journey to finding the real you. You can watch this video here or find it below

We also wanted to make sure you have all the resources you can to grow in this area. So if you want to dig deeper into this topic, here are three books we want to recommend to you.

The first is for our ladies and it is called . The second is by her husband for men entitiled . Both of these help you understand the way God made you and why you are the way you are in heart as a woman or as a man.

And lastly, a book for anyone, male or female, is called , all about sacrificing who we thought we were all the altar and allowing God to define our true identity for us.

You can click any of the links above to find a copy for yourself or you can always try Audible and .

But if you are really struggling and think you may need deeper healing, make sure to get help! You are not alone and we have people who can walk you through it. So make sure to get more information about our .

So as always, we hope this helps you continue to find God & walk with Jesus in your everyday life.

Love & Blessings,

Ronnie and Mel